Roommate 101
Whether your best friend or barely an acquaintance, living with another person requires some finesse
Coming into a room so new, fresh and liberating, it’s like you can hear the absolute freedom calling.
Well, hang up the phone and dial how to share a room. Oh, look you are here! That’s step one.
Meeting someone new for the first time and sharing a room with them can bring conflicts. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but there may be a time someone rolls over on the wrong side of the bed, takes too long in the bathroom or anything else in between, and raise some tension.
Don’t panic! These are basics on how to survive -- and dare we say thrive in? -- the roommate life, as provided by veteran resident assistants Hadlee Rinn and Emma Adelman.
Keep it clean
Coming into a new living space, you and your roommates are the keepers of the kingdom. Cleanliness is a common source of conflict, so it's important to hash out expectations early.
Some basics to cover:
- Taking out the trash
- Cleaning the bathroom
- Cleaning the room space
- Cleaning up after yourself
- Discussing shared supplies
A Rinn said, what clean is to one person might not be clean to another.
Needs and preferences
Co-habitation is all about compromise. Don’t fret, if marriages do it for years on end, you can do it for a couple of semesters!
For you, at least, the key is to treat it like a business contract. You heard that right: Even if your roommate has been your best friend since first grade or since the first day of move-in, sharing a living space requires respect.
“Everybody’s going to have to give up something,” Adelman said.
Some more basics:
- Room temperature: Do you easily get hot while the other gets cold? What is a good medium?
- Schedules: When do you need the bathroom before class?
- Bedtime: What times do you go to sleep and wake up? How do noise and light factor in?
- Studying: Are you or your roommate studying in the room? How does noise play a factor?
- Visitors: Do you plan on having people over? How does time and noise affect them?
“When you’re living in a dorm, it’s kind of very similar to staying the night at a hotel,” Rinn said. “People are going to be running, you’re going to hear people, but it’s different in your room.”
Setting boundaries
Boundaries are important to help secure that contract and ensure a safe environment. Setting them early can help pave the way when things do boil over.
- Discuss what it looks like when you’re upset and what you prefer during this time. Is it privacy, a conversation?
- How and when do you like to address conflicts? Over the phone, in person? Give it a day, or address it right then?
- What don’t you want to talk about? Is there anything triggering that should be avoided?
“You don’t have to be friends, you just have to live together comfortably,” Rinn said. “You just have to coexist and that’s totally fine.”
Oh No! Conflicts!
Extinguish that flame before it grows, will you? Remember that no one wants to feel uncomfortable, unhappy or disrespected in their own room.
“You have to go into it thinking, 'by the end of this, we’re still all going to live together,'” Rinn said.
Some things to understand:
- Have an open communication about things that are bothering you;
- Don’t let problems go unresolved, or they can build up;
- Try to understand each other’s side and be willing to work things out;
- If it’s unworkable amongst yourselves, R.A.s are a resource.
“The dorms are a different kind of environment and bring out different sides of people,” Adelman said. “So be patient … and take every opportunity to learn from this and recognize different areas of growth you’re going to get out of it.”