COLUMN: Valentine's Day sucks
Ladies, no one can love you like you can love yourself.
This Valentine's Day, I will be alone for the first time in years.
My parents are well-intended, gentle people who successfully raised me into young adulthood. The most important lesson I learned from them was to always consider the feelings of others; to treat people as I would like to be treated.
Most people can agree that those ideals are important. Loving, generous women are usually perceived as happy. Helping friends in need, surprising significant others with gifts and being compassionate toward strangers were things I did often.
However, I learned to treat myself as kindly as I do other people.
Three long-term, failed relationships later, and here I am. Alone.
I have no one to treat the way I would like to be treated - aside from myself - this time around.
I am unsure of how to spend my first Valentine's Day alone. Do I buy myself the white roses I've been eyeing at the local supermarket? Should I invest in the overpriced chocolates I love so dearly?
No one ever taught me it's OK to do these things for myself. Every time I think of spending money on a haircut, or a manicure, I immediately convince myself that I am not worthy of my own effort.
Yet, for all of the men I dated, I would spend hundreds - if not thousands - of dollars on gifts. There was no price too high for a gift for any boyfriend of mine. I would purchase things like laptops for Christmas and concerts for birthdays, even when I was on a tight, minimum-wage budget.
I used to wonder why my relationships would systematically fail, especially when I continued to show so much affection and effort toward my significant other.
Now, I know that I neglected to cater to the most important part of the relationship, which was my own health and happiness. A 2017 study published in the Journal of Women’s Health found that single women were indeed healthier than women who were married. Does that shock you? For me, it's easy to see why.
Women like me, who were taught to be kind, loving and generous to others, do not know how to treat ourselves. Societal values, our parents' teachings and Valentine's Day marketers neglect to tell young women that it's OK to tend to yourself rather than a significant other.
There are many examples of this, especially in early childhood. During elementary school, I bought candies and cards for everyone in the class. I remember sifting through store-bought packages with my mother, ensuring I had something for each and every person in my grade.
Here's the catch: I never reserved a single candy treat or card for myself.
For most of my life, I did not behave any differently.
I was taught that eating the candy I bought would be selfish, that cards were reserved for others, and that my effort should be directed toward those around me. I don't understand why young girls aren't being taught to love themselves the same way I was taught to love others.
Valentine's Day enforced a toxic concept I held for years. I believed that I was not allowed to praise myself. I wanted to give others my time and energy in the hopes that my love would be reciprocated.
I had hopes of receiving the love letters, my favorite flowers and the time and energy I consistently gave to men in my relationships. The truth is that no matter how much you give, you can never expect to get it back.
This year, I am spending Valentine's Day alone - at my favorite restaurant, as white roses sit on my windowsill, and the chocolates I bought for myself wait for me on my desk.
Ladies, don't be afraid to love yourself. It's not as taboo, or difficult, as you think.
