COLUMN: Dropping the facade
The meaning our society gives to the word “man” prescribes a set of rules telling a large group of diverse and unique individuals how to live. The meanings we give to masculinity perpetuate outdated, and often ill-fitting ideals.
What does it actually mean to be a man? I’m not sure it should mean anything. To society, being a man starts with what is between your legs, and ends with a lot more.
Why do we hold on to the ideal of “being a man?” It’s subjective. It’s determined by a specific culture or society. It takes away the authentic individual.
In his 2009 study, “‘Putting My Man Face On’: A Grounded Theory of College Men’s Gender Identity Development,” Keith E. Edwards found that participants described societal expectations of masculinity as being “competitive, in control of emotions, aggressive, responsible, the breadwinner, authoritative, rational, strong, successful, tough and breaking the rules.”
They described it as putting on a performance, with one going so far to say it was like “putting my man face on.”
Edwards also writes that “when participants felt insecure as men, they often responded by trying to overcompensate and prove their manhood to others and to themselves.” This often leads to excess partying or rowdiness, and mistreatment of women.
This is a problem.
Regardless of sex, no human being should have to put on a mask to fit a mold that isn’t quite right. When you attempt to uphold a facade of masculinity, for society’s sake, it drives you further from your truest self.
Not subscribing to society’s ideals of manhood does not make you less of a man, nor is it indicative of femininity. It doesn’t make you more of a man, either.
It makes you more you.
Choose for yourself what masculinity looks like. For my own life, I don’t put much stock in that word anymore. It is impossible to remove all social conditioning and tendencies from my life, but I give my existence as a human being more significance by not making masculinity a high priority.
I am a human being on a quest for authenticity in my life. I write these words as an invitation to join me, and to drop the facade of masculinity. Let’s breed understanding and acceptance.
Let’s take off our collective “man face.”
