A message to those struggling
On Oct. 9, 2009, I faced the biggest obstacle in my life.
I remember that day like it was yesterday. I walked into the side doors of my high school around 7:40 a.m. and was bombarded with questions and negative comments.
Someone in my school found out I was gay and decided to inform the entire school of my sexuality. My secret was out—I was pushed out of the closet.
I thought my life was over. I felt alone, hopeless and attempted to end my life. I wanted to give up.
My biggest fear was having my family find out. I was terrified of what they would think of me. I came home everyday from school worried to open the front door and walk inside. The anxiety festered.
My mother found out about my sexuality over a Facebook album. I was tagged in a photo with my boyfriend at the time, and my mom confronted me in a car ride. I could not hold back the tears.
I’ll never forget my mom saying, “You are my son, and I will always love you.”
Other members of my family were not so open about it.
I have a cigar burn on my right arm from a family member I thought was close to me. I remember my dad calling me a faggot.
Physical pain was bearable. But nothing hurt as badly as when my father looked me in the eye and degraded me as a human being.
I forgive those two figures in my life. With the mental support of my friends and loved ones, I was able to accept my sexuality and be who I wanted to be.
Today, I look back on that part of my life and reflect on how far I have come. I can look at myself in the mirror and smile. I love who I am. I am proud of what I have accomplished.
For those of you who are in the closet, or are struggling with your sexuality, I want you to know you are not alone. There are great people in this world who love you and accept you for who you are. I want you to understand that you are important.
Suicide is not a solution. Depression is a serious issue and surely not a temporary problem. But I am here for you and so are countless others.
You may not see it now, but I promise you, it will get better.
