COUNTER COLUMN: Gordon Ramsay for President
Tony Wittkowski, in an unfortunate tirade in the Oct. 7 edition of Central Michigan Life's Voices page, boldly proclaimed that Gordon Ramsay should stay off television.
He went as far as to call the beloved chef an "explosive and loud-mouthed villain," and even accused him of being obscene. Well, not directly. But he implied it.
Wittkowski is dead wrong. Ramsay should not only stay on television, but he is also destined for much greater things. Ramsay should run for political office.
Throughout Wittkowski's attack on Ramsey, he painfully neglects the chef's greatest asset: Gordon Ramsey is hot.
Don't get me wrong, I don't quite lean that way, but I have often spent hours in front of the mirror trying to transform my loose, blonde hair into the bold, blonde locks that adorn Ramsay's picturesque head, which also features a most striking pair of deep contemplative eyes and the most shapely chin one will ever lay their eyes on.
Keeping in mind the man is a former professional soccer player, it is no wonder why every woman in the country instantly wants to jump him.
When I drink enough on a Friday night, I want to jump on him, too.
When one pairs his stunning good looks and deep knowledge of cuisine with his authoritative but warm, lovable personality (the "warm" part can easily be seen in the BBC's version of "Kitchen Nightmares") one can see Ramsay not only has all the skills needed to be an American icon, but an American president.
Ramsay would be a breath of fresh air in a political landscape that is becoming increasingly stale. The next Democratic nominee is almost guaranteed to be Hillary Clinton, who doesn't exactly inspire, and the next Republican candidate promises to be more right-wing than a bird with no left wing.
Just imagine a Ramsay campaign. He is a figure beloved by conservatives and liberals alike.
Along his cross-political appeal, Ramsay has shown to be able to lead and inspire. On his program "Hell's Kitchen," he is able to take a group of hopeless, disgusting line cooks and make them into amazing world-class chefs, all in under 12 weeks. This kind of proficiency in Washington is unheard of. He could have ended the government shutdown in hours.
Ramsay has also been shown to get results. The failing restaurants in "Kitchen Nightmares" always revive into successful enterprises. Granted, they mostly fail after a year, as Wittkowski observed, but this is politics. It's all about appearance, and nobody is better about appearances than Gordon Ramsay.
We know that he is able to be authoritative and commanding. Nobody dares go toe-to-toe with Gordon Ramsay, not Joseph from "Hell's Kitchen" Season 6, nor Russian President Vladimir Putin, who will give in to U.S. demands as soon as Ramsay calls him a dehydrated camel's turd.
Ramsay is not only everything America looks for in a television icon, he is everything we look for in a commander-in-chief.
One could possibly point to one problem, the clause in the Constitution stating Gordon Ramsay couldn't be president because he wasn't born in America.
But this shouldn't be a problem. We Americans have grown adept at ignoring the Constitution. But as we've seen with his strict adherence to recipes, this is the last thing Gordon Ramsay would want to do.
We shouldn't kick Ramsay off television. He could be the salvation our country has been looking for.
