COLUMN: I don't care how well you do on your finals
I remember when I was a kid, I constantly felt like I was in a James Bond film.
I would quietly sneak down the stairs, glide along the kitchen walls, tiptoe through the living room, softly gracing the floors of our computer room, when the large booming voice of my mother would ring throughout the entire.
"Ryan Karl Fitzmaurice, what could you possibly be doing other than studying for your math test right now," she lectured venomously. "I don't have to tell you about how you did on your last exam."
There have been times in the last several weeks where I was beginning to think that some of the fantastic columnists we have at Central Michigan Life were my mother.
I think readers need a break from being berated by reporters demanding that they study more and watch "Mad Men" reruns on Netflix less. I'd have you know that I've learned much more from Mad Men than I have from any time studying. If it wasn't for Don Draper, I'd have no idea how to hold my liquor.
An April 22 column, "Finals Will Kill You," finished by demanding that then reader stop reading and start studying.
Well, I say if you enjoy it, don't put down CM Life. Spend the entire day memorizing every carefully thought out word of prose. Frame it on your bedroom wall next to your autographed photo of Brad Pitt. I'm honestly indifferent to the fact that you might not study enough for your finals. I'm a senior reporter who flunked intro to media writing because it took place at 8 in the morning. Like I'm the one to talk.
An April 12 column, "Three Weeks To Freedom," contained the hellish advice to download an app which actually blocks you completely from Facebook until you're done studying. How horrifying.
Imagine that: Complete detachment from civilization just because you have to answer a few multiple choice questions about amoebas and Joseph Stalin. There is something backwards about our society when we suggest that five sheets of stapled paper are more important than a social life.
Readers, I honestly couldn't care less about how well you do on your exams. If you decide to forego all your exams and go to Colorado, where you climb mountains, rent out shady hotels and watch "SpongeBob SquarePants" for 13 hours straight, I honestly would only stand up and applaud.
I mean, really guys, I'm not that stuck up. I'm the guy whose biology grade dropped 2 and a half letter grades because I overslept the 11 a.m. final. I'm really not the one to talk.
I think it's important to remember there are more important things in life than finals such as spending time with friends or looking at the stars, hearing a good joke, exercise, spirituality, hobbies, or, you know, experiencing life.
Face it. You went to college for the parties, the friends and the ability to order pizza at 2 a.m. without getting weird looks from your parents.
But finals? They're just needed for small things. Like getting a job and stuff.
