CMU students share their experiences coming out
Senior Jordan Lett’s dad said he would never like anyone with a penis either, so he understood where she was coming from.
But when the Potterville native came out, it was not the easiest process.
“I knew at a young age I was different, but at first I just thought I was a tomboy. I played sports, and all the other girls wanted to do hair, and I was just not interested,” Lett said.
Lett said she played it off that she was “normal” throughout junior high and high school, because she lived in a small community and didn’t think she would be accepted.
When Lett came out to her mother, she didn’t get the response she had hoped for. She said she felt like her mother thought it was a phase that was eventually going to pass and sent her to therapy.
“I was hurt by that, because I had accepted it. It wasn’t something that is fixable because it isn’t wrong,” Lett said. “But it was great because my therapist was on my side, and that was comforting to finally have that sense of self and not hide it.”
Lett was happy when she came to Central Michigan University at first, because, when she told her roommates that she had a girlfriend, they were supportive.
But then she came across discouraging experiences with a peer, and it wasn’t until Lett joined LGBTQ Services that she felt comfortable on campus.
“I realized it’s not about what other people think — it is just about being happy,” Lett said.
Ohio junior Michael Jarvis said he didn't have that defining moment with his sexuality. He just has always been attracted to men.
"It was a natural thing. I tell my straight friends just like they like the opposite sex, that's how it was for me," Jarvis said. "A lot of people think one day it just clicks, but, for me, I just grew up liking guys."
Jarvis said it wasn't until puberty that he started to recognize a sexual orientation. He said he only looked at girls as platonic friends and nothing else.
"One day, I saw Ryan Gosling and was like. 'Hey, you're lookin' fine,'" he said.
When Jarvis' mother found out about his sexual orientation, he said she completely disowned him, but his father, on the other hand, is accepting.
Hudsonville junior Lauren Bowman has had a long journey filled with many ups and downs when it comes to opening up about her sexual orientation.
In seventh grade, Bowman said she realized she had feelings for a girl, but when she tried to express it to her friend, she got a negative reaction.
“She looked at me and said, 'Take it back right now — you don’t mean that,'” Bowman said. “So, I kind of went along with it and said, 'You’re right. That was stupid.'”
But she knew it wasn’t stupid.
Bowman’s sophomore year, she joined a travel softball team, where she instantly connected with a girl on her team.
“I had never felt something like that before. I had a boyfriend in ninth grade, but it was nothing at all. There was nothing there,” she said.
Bowman said the feelings for her teammate only grew over time, and they started to hang out more often. Everyone, including her parents and coach, could feel the chemistry growing.
“(My parents) completely cut it off and said I was no longer allowed to see her. They told me that they knew we weren’t just friends, and I was devastated,” she said.
Bowman said her parents were checking her phone records to make sure they weren’t in contact, so she had to text her from a friend's phone. She even started sneaking out of her house to see her.
During the time Bowman was coming out, her parents were going through a divorce.
“I cried almost every night. I felt like everything was happening at once,” Bowman said. “Rumors were going around at school, my team wasn’t supporting me, and it sucked.”
Little by little, Bowman said things started to get better, but it is still hard for her to deal with dirty looks.
“Society is changing, and I’m hopeful," Bowman said. "I want to get married one day and have kids."
Newport junior Timothy Prayther said when he was younger, he would keep his crushes secret.
It wasn’t until watching "The Matthew Shepard Story," a documentary on a male student who was victim of a hate crime because of his sexual orientation, when he was 12 years old with his mother that he began to question his own sexual orientation.
“My first thought was that there was no way I could ever be gay, and, if I was, would I end up having the same fate as Matthew? I began to further explore the possibility, even as far as searching 'How do I know if I'm gay?' on the computer, to see if the way I was feeling was even valid,” Prayther said. “As it turns out, I was definitely, 100-percent gay, according to the website.”
The first time Prayther said he was ever directly asked if he was gay was in eighth grade during gym class, but he continued to deny it because he thought it would be easier.
After Prayther came out on Myspace, he said his life in high school was hell.
“I couldn't go to lunch, class, walk down the hallway or even get on the school bus without being called a ‘faggot,'” Prayther said.
Prayther said during class one day, another student was calling him every single gay slur imaginable, so he got up and left to go to the principal’s office.
Nothing was ever done about the situation, and Prayther said the verbal abuse continued.
Prayther said he would tell his mother he was sick so he didn’t have to go to school to put up with the verbal abuse, but he eventually told her what was going on and came out to her.
“She was initially caught off guard but she ‘expected it,'” he said.
Prayther’s father did not take the news as easily.
“One time, when he saw me watching 'Will & Grace,' he quickly grabbed the remote and told me to 'turn that gay s*** off,'” Prayther said.
Prayther said he is a stronger person because of it all and is happy to say that his relationship with his parents is now better than ever.
Sophomore Emily Shiner said she started practicing saying “I’m gay” in the mirror, because she wanted to make it real for herself before she told her family.
Shiner fought the feeling for a long time to avoid being outcasted or bullied at school. Dating boys, keeping her hair long and trying to act ‘girly’ are things Shiner said she would do to try and keep herself fitting a non-gay stereotype.
“As I got older as I said, 'What am I doing wrong?' I was confused, and it was really hard,” the Ontonagon native said.
Shiner waited until she graduated high school to come out, because she wanted to have a clean slate going on to the next stage in her life.
She said both of her parents took it really well when she accidentally slipped the announcement at a family gathering.
“I am so lucky to have such accepting parents. My dad said he knew for quite some time,” Shiner said. “I wish I would have known that they would be OK with it, because I would have told them sooner.”
Shiner said she has had some negative experiences at school with slurs in the dining hall and being kicked out of a fraternity that told her “no gays allowed."
“I’m excited with where the social climate is now, though,” she said. “It’s electric almost. The action and enthusiasm toward gay rights is awesome, and I think our generation is the one to make equal rights for all.”
