COLUMN: Holographic dead celebrities are all the rage
Conspiracy theorists felt half-vindicated last week when reports leaked that Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg, headlining the final day of the three-day Coachella Festival, were planning on resurrecting hip-hop legends Tupac Shakur and Nate Dogg.
Because, you know, why not?
Dre and Snoop were slated to be joined on stage by a huge group of other rappers, ranging from Eminem to Wiz Khalifa, but that wasn't enough for whatever reason and that is a great thing for all of us.
"But," you are surely asking yourself right now as you kill time waiting for class to begin by reading this column, "isn't this just a tacky, cynical ploy to promote these two aging stars' upcoming projects?"
Alright, there are potential moral problems, and this is likely to start a craze of living pop stars resurrecting dead pop stars at concerts for their own selfish gains, but think about it this way:
This is likely to start a craze of living pop stars resurrecting dead pop stars at concerts for our own selfish gains!
We've already been doing it on records for years. There have been countless posthumous albums released by everyone from the Notorious B.I.G. to Elvis. Tupac has even released seven albums since he was killed, almost twice the amount he released when he was, you know, actually making music.
So, if we're already refusing to let the dead rest in peace on record, why let them rest in peace on stage?
Imagine the possibilities. The Beatles could finally reunite after over 40 years. Jimi Hendrix could play his legendary rendition the Star-Spangled Banner before every single sports game around the world. Michael Jackson could finally complete his comeback with his This Is It concerts.
And why stop at music? There's no reason we can't extend this idea to other aspects of our culture.
Let's look at politics. All politicians and political junkies love to put words into the mouths of deceased former presidents. Now we can finally let those former leaders of the free world duke it out in a special televised debate. (Obviously, the debate would be on CNN, the worldwide leader in meaningless technology that adds nothing to the viewer's understanding of the news.)
Plus, instead of worrying about picking up new players in the offseason, sports teams could just resurrect the legends of the past. That Tigers lineup would be unbeatable with Miguel Cabrera, Prince Fielder and Ty Cobb in the heart of the order.
Thanks to Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg, the dead no longer have to rest in peace. Instead, they get to be exploited for our entertainment.
